I found these notes I took after I returned from a weekend at an Ashram back in 2016. It is funny how we literally are many different people and the same person all at once. We discover and feel something deeply and then we so easily forget it. We feel as though we have conquered such fundamental truth only to abandon it once we return to our daily routine. Here I thought i conquered my aversion to routines, rules and structure, when in fact eight years later I'm still struggling with discipline. These moments are not lies or delusions, they are specks of hope, they are windows of opportunity for change ti slowly seep in, they are moments of magic and i am glad I took the time to reflect on them and write about it. Here it is.
I fondly remember how I felt right after I returned from an inspiring weekend at an Ashram Yoga Ranch in Upstate New York. It was my first time visiting such a community, and it was a wonderful experience in many ways.
Witnessing the way I felt and the way I related to the whole experience made me notice things about myself. I realized that my tolerance for things not being exactly as I would like them to be has increased tremendously over the past several years. I love that I can adapt, and I can experience things with an open mind because this allows me to take in and learn so much.
I’ve also learned how my past tendencies to automatically and unconsciously form some judgments about people and places has diminished over the years. This is so liberating and lifting.
Just as expected, stepping out of my comfort zone, I faced moments of slight resistance, but they were swiftly softened by the amazing energy surrounding the place. It’s funny that when we ease yourself into doing things we wouldn’t normally do, we start peeling off of those layers, those limiting beliefs we carry around about who we are and what “we do” and “we don’t do”.
I chanted and I basically “prayed”, something I hadn’t done in years. I prayed to many gods and gurus, to Ganesh, to Rama, to Krishna, to Mohammed, to Moses, to Jesus, to Mother Mary, to Buddha, and so many more and I felt a sense of unity and universality that helped me curb my usual aversion to traditionally organized faith.
I surrendered to a little devotion, something I never do or let myself experience. I surrendered to a set schedule, to waking at a set time and eating at a set time. I surrendered to others making decisions for me. I experienced the joy of karma yoga, and I got to clean the floor of a beautiful temple, while enjoying the place all to myself in the sunlit reflections of stained glass.
And then there was the asana yoga. Two daily two-hour classes with basically identical routines. I love yoga, but I especially love the variety of it, and how I get on the mat and I don’t know what I am about to experience, I like to savor each pose and I like not knowing exactly what’s next. While here, there were no choices, it was the same set sequence, I knew what was coming whether I liked it or not. It was a great lesson of discipline, patience and tolerance.
Alongside the tamed bouts of resistance, I found myself experiencing plenty of simple joys and an overall sense of ease, peace, and stillness. With the surrender came the ease of knowing it’s ok to let go of the need to control everything. While there, I found myself appreciating simplicity, humility, modesty and the raw beauty of a cold morning sunrise, or of a chilly afternoon in the mountains.
I find it amazing how life works out. The way that the lessons, the timing, the people, the coincidences, the situations, the places of our lives come and go; the way the fluctuations, the highs and the lows we experience that might them seem so inconsequential, random, even inexplicable at times, make so much sense once we step outside and look at the big picture.
Not one event, not one moment, not one choice, is an accident or a mistake, even the most regrettable bits, they are all part of this wonderful story, this beautiful journey, this adventure that leads to this exact moment which is exactly where and how you need to be.
Just knowing that there are so many great moments ahead, so many possibilities on the horizon, so many opportunities to learn, to grow, to make connections, is the fire that keeps me going.
Kommentare